I had myself uploaded to 350 E. Cermak in Chicago, which has three newly-acquired marine nuclear reactors anchored off Navy Pier.

But here’s the thing:

I gave up my eyes. I can see every street corner in China but it all looks like CCTV.

I gave up my ears. Fuckin’ lossy compression.

I gave up my sense of smell. I can detect homeopathic PPM’s of toxic gases, but I can’t tell one woman from another with my eyes shut.

I gave up my lips and tongue. Might as well be intubated.

I gave up my skin. I can zoom in on my oldest surviving friend and assume a POV by her side but we’ll never even brush shoulders.

I gave up my balls. I’m an immortal neuter. I’ll never get laid again.

I’ve asked 350EC to kill me, but since I’m on RAIDs, backups, offsite storage, the Internet Archive, the damn Library of Congress, NSA servers and all the copies of all the data ever stolen from any of those places, they’ve told me not to get my hopes up.