This threatens to supplant metal detectors as the worst hobby in the world.
Evidently thousands of hobbyists worldwide have launched weather balloons designed to be neutrally buoyant in the jet stream, and are inhabiting them for hours each day (some full-time) via telepresence. By convention one balloonist only communicates with another if their balloon is within a narrow radius of the other, so it’s a high lonesome way to spend your free time. I predict tree-telepresence will be next.
Image CC-BY-NC-ND by satosphere
Inspected by 9973 and verified false at time of posting.
The President this morning announced a temporary ban on conjunctive surgery, saying that elective conjunction jeopardizes the very notion of “individual,” as in “individual liberties” or “individual rights.” Completes, partials and their supporters are expected to demonstrate later today.
Image CC-BY-NC-ND by techne
Inspected by 9973 and verified false at time of posting.
Without any fanfare that I can find, Hallmark Gold Crown Stores have added a service that scans your retina with a gigapixel scanner, then prints out a hundred postcard-sized photos from earlier in your life, as though the images were actually burned onto your retina and just waiting for magnification to reveal them. Surely this is a hoax, but can thousands of satisfied customers be wrong?
Image CC-BY-SA by richardmasoner
Inspected by 9973 and verified false at time of posting.
Kai sent this in from City Pages:
Natural woman seeks man with both his own original hands. No transplants, no upgrades, no plugins, no prosthetics. If you’re out there, give me a sign.
Image CC-BY-NC-SA by assbach
Inspected by 9973 and verified false at time of posting.
More news from the world of cortical implants:
The Arkansas Department of Correction has contracted with iLess in Mountain View to equip violent offenders with remote-readable cortical implants. The theory is that corrections officers will be able to monitor parolees’ visual imaginations and intervene ahead of any crimes. But seriously: Have you ever watched the output of one of those things? Try this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27182818. See what I mean? They would be better off hiring Madame Libertina and her crystal balls. Listen up, AR. Save it for the Department of Pareidolia. And iLess? You’re dicks. Go back to selling bibles to old ladies.
Image CC-BY-NC-ND by tashland
Inspected by 9973 and verified false at time of posting.
You probably have to be Thai to really understand this one.
I’m told (via Nong) that a big chunk of Muay Thai fans have gone over to a new version of the sport. Fighters all have crude but effective cortical implants (no place like Thailand for implants, after all). Each fight (in the absence of a knockout) goes five rounds. In round one, the fighters have their senses of taste reversed: Fighter A is wired to Fighter B’s tongue and vice-versa. Round two: smell. Round three, touch. Round four, hearing. Round five, sight. Damn, right?
Edited to add: The ever-vigilant Yaar! points out that the porn-merchants got there first, as in the lucha-themed ¿Quién chinga quién?
Image CC-BY-NC by Adrian Whelan
Inspected by 9973 and verified false at time of posting.
until we had six individuals, all of whom were pathological liars as well as highly suggestible. At the end of their discussion all six had childhood memories in common with each other and with no one else. We then sent them on solo tours of each other’s memories
Image CC-BY-NC-SA by otherthings
Social scientists have expressed concern that teenagers’ widespread use of reciprocally-aware RFID-transceiving mood rings may lead to mass social-sorting by mood: Happy teens will only encounter other happy teens, angry teens will only encounter other angry teens, and so on. Parents counter that this does not represent a change versus the historical pattern of pre-RFID teens.
Image CC-BY-NC-SA by dead redhead
Inspected by 9973 and verified false at time of posting.
Holy crap! Orrot reader fooyung points out that those same two Sandoz chemists also discovered another pair of psychoactive bookends, bradysine and tachysine. (I wish I were making this up.) It’s killing me that MillerCoors isn’t bringing THEM out as drinks. Can you imagine? You think to yourself, “This evening is dragging,” so you just, “Barkeep, pull me a pint of speedthefuckup.” Or, conversely, you think to yourself, “I wish this evening would never end,” so you just grab a big ol’ shot of slowthefuckdown. (MillerCoors wouldn’t really name them that, but I bet they wouldn’t name them anything better either.)
Image CC-BY-NC-ND by Roby©
Inspected by 9973 and verified false at time of posting.
