Without any fanfare that I can find, Hallmark Gold Crown Stores have added a service that scans your retina with a gigapixel scanner, then prints out a hundred postcard-sized photos from earlier in your life, as though the images were actually burned onto your retina and just waiting for magnification to reveal them. Surely this is a hoax, but can thousands of satisfied customers be wrong?
Image CC-BY-SA by richardmasoner
Inspected by 9973 and verified false at time of posting.
I’m having a hard time getting my mind around this one.
Reasearchers at the University of the Canadian Shield have discovered that ruffed grouse can fly (fly?) forwards and backwards through time. Ornithology post-doc Jesse Fend explains, “I was following grouse tracks in the woods and they stopped abruptly. Of course! The grouse took off! And I started to wonder: If you’re tracking a grouse in flight, could it also ‘take off’ from there? It’s a logical extension, right? We know they can go from two dimensions into three. Why not from three dimensions into four?”
To test her hypothesis, Fend attached radio trackers to a number of grouse. “At that point, I simply had to wait for the trackers to blink on and off. And sure enough: If a grouse unexpectedly vanishes, it always reappears later at that same X,Y,Z position. If a grouse unexpectedly appears, it always vanishes later at that same X,Y,Z position.”
Any idea why grouse always time-travel while flying and never while walking?
She laughs. “Have you ever seen a grouse take flight? They jump up and show you their asshole, eh? Well, when we’ve caught grouse appearing and disappearing from flight, they show their assholes then too. It seems to be a requirement for going up a dimension. Asshole, then time-travel! How punk is that?”
Well, yeah.
via Mikinaak
image CC-BY-NC-ND by ru_24_real
Inspected by 9973 and verified false at time of posting.
Glenn Jensen in Kneeland, CA has put together a clever app consisting of a camera, a display, some sweet photo-interpolation software and a big-ass knob. At setup time, you feed in dated photos of yourself at all ages—from baby photos on up. At runtime, it’s an adjustable mirror: Crank the knob all the way clockwise, and see yourself in all your current glory. Crank counter-clockwise, and wind yourself all the way back into the womb, if you like.
mirror image CC-BY-NC by Elephi Pelephi
knob image from Surplus Sales of Nebraska
Inspected by 9973 and verified false at time of posting.
According to this article in International Leisure World (“Russia’s Annual Catalogue of Luxury Travel”), the Arend M. Agter Clinic in the Cape Town suburb of Newlands has begun offering guided vacations into your own memories. They don’t specify what technologies are being used (hypnosis, lucid dreaming, deep brain stimulation, SP-17?) I wonder whether they offer souvenir photos?
image CC-BY-NC-SA by monkeyinfez
Inspected by 9973 and verified false at time of posting.
I was afraid of this.
Scientists using functional MRI machines can see your decisions approximately twelve hours before you make them. Preliminary studies indicate that your brain “banks” decisions during REM sleep and then spends them down during the course of waking hours. This suggests that extended periods of wakefulness can lead to decision deprivation and, eventually, decision debt.
This probably has dire implications for free will, but might be pretty awesome for the sleepers’ rights movement.
Link to article in the journal N4ture. Warning: Paywall
Photo CC-NC-BY-SA jpstanley